Now here is the thing about love in our world. It’s a complete fabrication. We are so used to experiencing heart break that we have allowed the pain to numb our hearts. We believe its actually love. No my dear its a game.
For those of you who have been following me since the beginning know that this blog was simply a way for me clean out all of the impurities within myself. That somehow transformed into the mind of a sugar baby that had bits and pieces of her heart trapped within the words.
But here is the thing; I have to be honest with all of you. This is a complete contradiction to who I am as whole, but represents exactly who I was when I was imcomplete.
The characteristics to my personality involved lies. I was in fact a true liar; A walking oxymoron walking a heart beat contradiction.
I created stories and was very good at it.
The saying is true; we are no longer afraid of the monsters under the bed when we realize that all the monsters live within us.
Think about it.
What is your scariest thought, the part of yourself that you don’t even dare think about?
Everyone has it.
This physical body will soon die, but what about our spirits. Don’t deny your spirit because you cannot; for it is your spirit that you always subconsciously try to feed. It is the spirit that truly feels pain and suffering or joy and happiness. It is the spirit that will live on soon after this physical body is no longer.
I hope that all of the young ladies out here that I once called my fellow sugar babies get out of this disgusting materialistic state of mind. Because trying to find happiness within physical things is like trying to chase the wind.
Don’t fall into the trap of indulging in worldly affairs when it actuality without a doubt it becomes poisonous to the heart.
My whole life literally changed in a day and it no longer depends on the day with me.
So Mr. Libra is ready for me to come visit. And granted we have already met, I had my best friend with me. I almost don’t want to go unless I’m guaranteed like ten grand. Yea I know unrealistic but I’m just tired of depending on this lifestyle. Yea yea I wear expensive make up and the only color beneath my feet is a replica of the blood the in my veins. Okay I’m being dramatic. But really! I just want to move back to campus with my friends and join the cheer team again. And be an orientation leader. And have a real bf. Bla bla but that is not my life.
She sat in class just as if were any ordinary day. Look around to see if there was anything noticeably different in the room, but as always nothing ever stood out. Other than the horrid mess in the corner of the classroom.
” someone needs to clean that up,” she thought to herself.
She awaited patiently for the instructor to begin speaking. She loved listening to him speak. She had a strange attraction to him. Not one by the means of sexual desires but rather a mental platonic attraction. She loved listening to him speak and occasionally ramble about his passion with such conviction. She was envious that he was able to teach the study she adores so very much.
With this being my second semi-sucessful blog I’m thinking about starting a zodiac blog. Find the zodiac freaks or the world and converse for countless hours about all things astrology. Yeaahhh I have too much time on my hands
Okay so TD came last week for business. He took me shopping and out almost every night. So one night I mentioned my own apartment he totally shot down the idea. I was shocked he knows that was a priority on my wish list. His reason was he doesn’t want me to be tempted to sleep with anyone. Wtf does he care. That pretty much ruined our time together.
So one night while he was working late I was in his hotel room bored and obviously still pissed. Well Mr.Libra skypes me. He could tell I was upset but I didn’t tell him why. I just told him I needed a vacation.
Him: how fast can you pack your bags?
Me: depends on where I’m going.
Him: a cruise with me.
Me: in that case 10mins
Him: good I just booked you a flight and it leaves in 2hrs see you soon?
Me: drops jaw okay bye.
So by this point I’m soooo excited and nervous because we had planned to see eachother at the end of this month. But I just decided to enjoy the moment.
So I wrote TD a note and told him we need to reevaluate our arrangement. Which we do.
I already had a suitcase full of new clothes. So I ran to the store to grab a few extra items and off to the airport I went.
When I arrived to the airport a guy was waiting for me. He said Mr Libra will meet you for dinner. I was a little upset he didn’t come get me himself. Not to mention I had no idea if what I had on was acceptable for dinner.
When I arrived to the restaurant he was already waiting for me with flowers. Granted I hate flowers it was a great gesture considering he didn’t pick me up himself. Well we talked and got comfortable with eachother you all know how it goes.
The next day we left for the cruise it was auhhhmazing I enjoyed every second. We are still meeting again at the end of august. And again mid september. And then hes coming to where I am we are going skiing even though I prefer snowboarding.
We really did hit it off. And the craziest part is we didn’t have sex. We had so much fun doing everything else.
If this works out I am definitely going to be specific on what I want. Because I still haven’t heard from TD. shrugs
No this is not a sugar baby update and yes I will get to that after my trip lol. It’s not like I dont have time to do it I just want you ladies to have the full story in one.
So underneath my sugar baby persona is a girl desperately trying to become a woman. A girl who is so wrapped up in the lost energy of a boy she almost loved.
Her: What would you do if you literally couldn’t go a day without thinking about someone?
Him: Who is this?
Her: I just want to know what you would do?
Him: Who is this?
Him: Answer my question and I’ll answer yours.
Him: I guess tell them
Her: Well in that case, I cannot go a day without thinking about you.
Him: Who is this?
Her: It doesn’t matter. I just hope you are happy.
Him: Yes it does and I’m fine
….To be continued
So this is a real conversation and I’m not sure if I should reveal who I am to him because I’m so scared of rejection. But to be honest fear is what got me in this situation today. I know I went about this in a chicken shit type of way but my heart constantly aches for this guy. Uggghhhh I’m just going to enjoy this cruise :) Ducess
So I am in Texas Daddy’s hotel room waiting for him to get back.Luckily I have homework to keep me busy. TD (texas daddy) was so exited to see me yesterday. It was adorable he had the biggest grin on his face. He also took me up on my offer to get a new dress, I’m pretty excited to shop and secretly get some retail therapy out of the way. Well I’m out, I’ll continue to keep you posted.
What does it mean to truly move on from someone? Does it mean to encounter new relationships? To continue your life without their physical presence? Erase the memories?
New encounters are impossible, if the ghost of you is constantly haunting my thought process. And even though the clock will continue to go round and the journey will continue, I can’t seem to let go of you. 20 years later and I am positive I will still be holding on.
Okayyy now that I’m done being depressed, I am finishing up everything to see Texas Daddy before I head to class.
He told me to pack a nice dress but I can’t find one I like. I am going to suggest him to take me shopping for one. Besides I really could use the retail therapy.
Still haven’t talked to Mr.Libra since our conversation, but I’m not that concerned. I still need time to process everything and reevaluate if I want to start a new arrangement with someone that I could potentially get hurt by.
Getting hurt is definitely not in my agenda. Not to mention sugaring is just a segment of my life. I can’t afford anymore emotional drainage.
Omg its sooo late and I need to go to bed but I have to get this off of my chest while it’s still fresh.
So I just got done skyping with Mr.Libra, and we generally talk about his life and strange finance stuff that I never understand but tonight something different happened. For starters, I think we both realized how similar we are, when it comes to dealing with others. He mentioned how I am pretty closed up and don’t really express myself to him like he does to me.
I have seriously had this issue since birth and I am just now realizing it is an issue. He said he wants to know everything about me. I have been dying to hear a guy say that to me, it’s usually the other way around. So when he said that I couldn’t help but smile. I was trying my hardest to not to and probably made a more ridiculous face. But I tried opening up by explaining why it’s hard for me, which is a step.
Right in the middle of a statement he will stop talking and start to think. It drives me crazy, I need to know what he is thinking. So I always ask. This time when I asked his words exactly, “okay lets do this” What does that mean? Do what? Start sugaring it up or what? Oh dear I’m confused.
It’s like he has been contemplating the ins and outs of me and trying to see if we really are a good fit. I honestly don’t know if this is going to work between us. I’m seriously freaking out. I told him that I am terrified to go and meet him. He said that was completely normal. Not like it helped my nerves.
I’m not sure where this is going, since I already have two other SD’s. I’m almost at the point where I want to tell him about them. Granted this may only be skype, but it gets pretty freaking personal. I’m freaking out because I think I like him, which is the point but I haven’t even met him in person yet.
What if things get serious? What if I fall for him? What if I get hurt? Ohhhh noooooo, I don’t think I am ready for a relationship but I also wouldn’t want to loose his friendship. Oh Dear I told you guys he’s a charmer. Ladies I’m lost.