…so my stomach was hurting & there is this icky flu going around. It typically gets better when you A. throw up or B….well the pain was intense and I had to do what I had to do at work. but I’m so embarrassed because like 5 hot guys went in right after me! smh
I am so sad. A girl like me really will end up alone on an earthy spectrum. I’ve dealt with him being with other girls but it breaks my heart to see hear about him being so happy. Maybe this is good. Maybe the pain I’m feeling is my live for him dying.
Now here is the thing about love in our world. It’s a complete fabrication. We are so used to experiencing heart break that we have allowed the pain to numb our hearts. We believe its actually love. No my dear its a game.
For those of you who have been following me since the beginning know that this blog was simply a way for me clean out all of the impurities within myself. That somehow transformed into the mind of a sugar baby that had bits and pieces of her heart trapped within the words.
But here is the thing; I have to be honest with all of you. This is a complete contradiction to who I am as whole, but represents exactly who I was when I was imcomplete.
The characteristics to my personality involved lies. I was in fact a true liar; A walking oxymoron walking a heart beat contradiction.
I created stories and was very good at it.
The saying is true; we are no longer afraid of the monsters under the bed when we realize that all the monsters live within us.
Think about it.
What is your scariest thought, the part of yourself that you don’t even dare think about?
Everyone has it.
This physical body will soon die, but what about our spirits. Don’t deny your spirit because you cannot; for it is your spirit that you always subconsciously try to feed. It is the spirit that truly feels pain and suffering or joy and happiness. It is the spirit that will live on soon after this physical body is no longer.
I hope that all of the young ladies out here that I once called my fellow sugar babies get out of this disgusting materialistic state of mind. Because trying to find happiness within physical things is like trying to chase the wind.
Don’t fall into the trap of indulging in worldly affairs when it actuality without a doubt it becomes poisonous to the heart.
My whole life literally changed in a day and it no longer depends on the day with me.
So Mr. Libra is ready for me to come visit. And granted we have already met, I had my best friend with me. I almost don’t want to go unless I’m guaranteed like ten grand. Yea I know unrealistic but I’m just tired of depending on this lifestyle. Yea yea I wear expensive make up and the only color beneath my feet is a replica of the blood the in my veins. Okay I’m being dramatic. But really! I just want to move back to campus with my friends and join the cheer team again. And be an orientation leader. And have a real bf. Bla bla but that is not my life.
She sat in class just as if were any ordinary day. Look around to see if there was anything noticeably different in the room, but as always nothing ever stood out. Other than the horrid mess in the corner of the classroom.
” someone needs to clean that up,” she thought to herself.
She awaited patiently for the instructor to begin speaking. She loved listening to him speak. She had a strange attraction to him. Not one by the means of sexual desires but rather a mental platonic attraction. She loved listening to him speak and occasionally ramble about his passion with such conviction. She was envious that he was able to teach the study she adores so very much.
With this being my second semi-sucessful blog I’m thinking about starting a zodiac blog. Find the zodiac freaks or the world and converse for countless hours about all things astrology. Yeaahhh I have too much time on my hands
Okay so TD came last week for business. He took me shopping and out almost every night. So one night I mentioned my own apartment he totally shot down the idea. I was shocked he knows that was a priority on my wish list. His reason was he doesn’t want me to be tempted to sleep with anyone. Wtf does he care. That pretty much ruined our time together.
So one night while he was working late I was in his hotel room bored and obviously still pissed. Well Mr.Libra skypes me. He could tell I was upset but I didn’t tell him why. I just told him I needed a vacation.
Him: how fast can you pack your bags?
Me: depends on where I’m going.
Him: a cruise with me.
Me: in that case 10mins
Him: good I just booked you a flight and it leaves in 2hrs see you soon?
Me: drops jaw okay bye.
So by this point I’m soooo excited and nervous because we had planned to see eachother at the end of this month. But I just decided to enjoy the moment.
So I wrote TD a note and told him we need to reevaluate our arrangement. Which we do.
I already had a suitcase full of new clothes. So I ran to the store to grab a few extra items and off to the airport I went.
When I arrived to the airport a guy was waiting for me. He said Mr Libra will meet you for dinner. I was a little upset he didn’t come get me himself. Not to mention I had no idea if what I had on was acceptable for dinner.
When I arrived to the restaurant he was already waiting for me with flowers. Granted I hate flowers it was a great gesture considering he didn’t pick me up himself. Well we talked and got comfortable with eachother you all know how it goes.
The next day we left for the cruise it was auhhhmazing I enjoyed every second. We are still meeting again at the end of august. And again mid september. And then hes coming to where I am we are going skiing even though I prefer snowboarding.
We really did hit it off. And the craziest part is we didn’t have sex. We had so much fun doing everything else.
If this works out I am definitely going to be specific on what I want. Because I still haven’t heard from TD. shrugs
No this is not a sugar baby update and yes I will get to that after my trip lol. It’s not like I dont have time to do it I just want you ladies to have the full story in one.
So underneath my sugar baby persona is a girl desperately trying to become a woman. A girl who is so wrapped up in the lost energy of a boy she almost loved.
Her: What would you do if you literally couldn’t go a day without thinking about someone?
Him: Who is this?
Her: I just want to know what you would do?
Him: Who is this?
Him: Answer my question and I’ll answer yours.
Him: I guess tell them
Her: Well in that case, I cannot go a day without thinking about you.
Him: Who is this?
Her: It doesn’t matter. I just hope you are happy.
Him: Yes it does and I’m fine
….To be continued
So this is a real conversation and I’m not sure if I should reveal who I am to him because I’m so scared of rejection. But to be honest fear is what got me in this situation today. I know I went about this in a chicken shit type of way but my heart constantly aches for this guy. Uggghhhh I’m just going to enjoy this cruise :) Ducess